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There is a particular kind of pain that comes from being abandoned during the moments you need support the most. It’s a pain I have carried quietly for much of my life.
I have faced situations that could have broken me, and sometimes I still sit in awe of my own survival. Over the years, I’ve been in relationships—some serious, some deeply committed—but the pattern extended beyond romantic partners. I have also been left by family during critical moments when I needed stability, clarity, and care.
One of the most difficult seasons of my life came when I was seriously ill and unaware that fibroids were the cause. I was passing out, unable to work, and still responsible for caring for my minor child. During that time, the person I was engaged to marry walked away without warning. What followed were discoveries and realizations that added layers to the pain, but the core of it remains: I had to survive that season alone.
These wounds reach back even further. The absence of my own mother created a foundation of abandonment early in my life, one that echoed through later experiences. Since then, there have been moments when family members withdrew suddenly, leaving me suspended in uncertainty at times when decisions were urgent and consequences were real.
Even now, I find myself handling the aftermath of situations I didn’t create, standing alone in responsibilities that were never meant to be carried by one person.
I took a step back from the world for a while. Depression had settled in, and grief weighed heavily on me after losing my grandfather—who passed away in the very home I now occupy alone. The silence is loud, filled with memories and reminders of what once was.
What has been hardest to accept is that the support I needed did not come from the people I expected it to come from. This realization stings, especially because I have spent much of my life being the one who shows up. I have cared for others, supported family, and given of myself even when I had little left to give.
Still, I remain standing.
Each time I have been pushed to the edge, I have found a way through. Not because the path was easy, but because my heart remains sincere, my intentions remain good, and I trust in divine order. I believe that the Most High continues to provide for me—not as a reward, but as protection aligned with choosing goodness, even when it is difficult.
I do not carry hatred.
I do not seek retaliation.
I choose boundaries. I choose distance where necessary.
Though I may currently be navigating a storm, I hold firm to the knowing that something brighter waits on the other side. It always has.
✨ Ready to start your own healing journey? ✨
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